Loss of Purpose and Hope

Waking up to dark is an empty feeling, especially when my life mimics those feeling exponentially. By the time I wake up and leave the house, the heaviness of where my life is at weights down on me and preoccupies my mind.The scattered clouds with pink accents as the sun starts to rise uplifts me, but only time, lots of time will heal and scar over the loss I feel.
What happened to me was not only unjust, but it was not true at all.   

I wake up every morning attempting to fight off the pain that fills my heart and makes my head ache, by acting as if I am not forever changed because of what happened. But the truth is I am deeply hurt and deeply saddened and I am having a hard time coping, and yes I am forever changed.

With the pain I feel there is no way it will ever completely heal. I don’t think there is a way to fully recover when you are a mother. The hardest part is going on. How do I?

I’m not
focused, except on the pain and loss I feel over the lies that brought me here. How I’m suppose to go on? I can barely function. Attempting to take care of myself has been a struggle to say the least, and tears come often, and last.

The reality is my life sucks, further and further down I keep going as more incredulous happenings come forth. Hanging on is getting more and more difficult and has taken everything I have to continue on.

I’m told life goes in cycles, and it won’t always be bad, but the truth is for 5 years it has been. Breaking away from a terrible marriage only made my life worse because now he’s out to hurt me every way he can. He’s done some pretty awful things, and each time I think that’s it, Bam! he does something else one-hundred percent worse.  

He took away a huge part of what brought me life. Now my purpose and joy are gone and I must come to terms with what was done. There are moments that I focus on, only a moment at a time, otherwise I’m sure I would fall apart and give up.

I almost did, but I keep fighting and pulling myself along hoping in time I’ll feel the joy for life I once did.
Right now I’d settle for hope.


Author: Blue Moon

Working on improving my writing

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